In fact, to be precise, it was never about just being clever. The satisfying thing was being more clever than you. Having the loudest and most entertaining opinion, the best vocabulary, the leading-edge-of-trendy thoughts, the feigned indifference about things that matter to most humans, imperviousness.
That’s a chilly word, imperviousness.
It’s like I won by being completely unaffected by what mattered to you. I won if you left the room having ditched your own beliefs for mine.
This “you”, by the way, was my friend, my lover, my kid.
My kid, for god’s sake.
So today, you win. And by that I don’t mean I lose. I mean that I appreciate whatever you’re bringing to me in conversation. I appreciate that you’re here at all. And instead of being clever queen of the universe, I’ll have a whirl at listening for the sake of being with you. Period.
Just saying that, my body feels better.
Thanks for the conversation.