I’m leaving my profession this fall after 20 years. I woke up one day knowing it was time.
No big deal for the superheroes of this world, but if you’re at all like me, you’ll understand the tightening of the gut and the shallow breathing that show up occasionally at my house since I made the decision.
Why the tight gut? I think it boils down to a shaky relationship with trust.
Trust that I’ll be able to earn an income. Trust that I’m not just being flaky, fickle, (and a few other great f-words), ungrateful, and irresponsible.
Mostly trust in the goodness of this universe, and in my own instincts, the ones that told me it’s time.
Just about everything we see and hear teaches us to trust Someone Else rather than to trust ourselves, don’t you think?
It’s why we trust doctors who give us 3 minutes (oh sure, that’s enough to diagnose me and take care of my beautiful body, why not?), why we used to trust priests, and why we accept (even without trust) being governed by people who tell untruths as a matter of strategic course.
It’s why we stay too long in jobs and relationships. (I haven’t loved you since the Cuban Missile Crisis. I stayed for the kids. Now I’m staying for the dog.)
It’s why we don’t stand up for ourselves with bosses, clients, and our own families. Not to mention people who come to the door selling lousy cookies, fake hydro contracts, and religious salvation.
It’s why we accept less than we want.
It’s why we don’t leap when we have the urge to leap.
I’m 48. I will go mad if I don’t fully trust myself and this universe at some point.
So I’m going to trust this instinct to change my life, having no idea what will come next. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Do you trust your own instincts? Have you learned something about that along the way?
I’d love to hear.
Thanks to All Things Good, and thank you for the conversation,