Two Eyes

We popped my lovely man’s eye in this morning. Jesus Murphy.

To be accurate, he had his bionic eye (orbital implant) sewn in some weeks ago. That part (we call the whole thing Seymour, now) is a small, maroon, slightly unnerving bowling ball.
The part we popped in just now was the very large, vaguely triangular contact lens that makes his eye look like an eye. It has the iris, pupil, and the white sclera on it. The artwork.

Jeez, I was a bit nervous. The idea was to pluck out the conformer (a clear contact lens) with a suction cup and then, hoping I had the right side up, put the eyeball-cap-thing in. We couldn’t remember whether he was supposed to look up or down for each step. Someone taught us a week ago in Toronto, but it’s gone this morning.

We washed our hands and everything else we could think of, as though we were going to do brain surgery on each other. Pat sat in a chair and asked if I was ready. I was not.  I lied in order to give him confidence. He asked whether he should look up or down. I picked one (don’t remember which), and approached him with the eyeball-cap-thing.

Shouldn’t we take the conformer thing out first, he asked?

Of course, I said. I was just … practicing.

From there, with some fumbling (I dropped the eyeball-cap-thing on my second try), and much twitching and fluttering of his eyelids, poor guy, we made the switch.

For the last five minutes, he’s had two blue eyes. You can’t imagine how weird it is to have two eyes until you’ve been through a trip like this. It’s all I can do not to cry when I see anyone’s eyes, these days, thinking of how amazing it is that so many of our parts work so well, and how fortunate it is that we’re given doubles of so many parts: eyes, ears, hands, knees, kidneys, ovaries. We’re warehouses, for god’s sake.

Aside from an elevated heart rate, and enormous love for my (one-eyed? two-eyed?) man, all I feel is this THANKS, THANKS, THANKS booming in my head. Thanks for eyes, one or two, thanks for our resilience, thanks for being here at all. Thanks for love.

Thank you for the conversation,


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14 Responses to Two Eyes

  1. Eric Dion says:

    This post made me appreciate every square inch of my being and reminded me that our bodies are among the most miraculous and complex fabrications of nature.

    Thanks Kristin for helping me live with more awareness and appreciation every time you blog 🙂

    • kristin says:

      Eric, Thanks. We are amazing. All the best, you.

      • Rachel says:

        I really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you, thank you!
        When I first meditated, I visualized being on a mountain road headed down. It felt like a way to go down into myself, maybe a bit like “going to the well”.
        It wasn’t until after I read your post that I got that part of what you have dealt with is cancer. I hope that recovery from that is upon you (and your partner).
        Thanks for the reminder about focusing on breath.
        Best, Rachel

  2. nanci farella says:

    I’m spilling over with gratitude Kristin – for you, for Pat, for every living organism that constructs my body!! You guys are truly a pair of inspiration!
    Thank YOU.

  3. BEcky says:

    Kristin…I am laughing, picturing you and Pat this morning, putting the eye in. Only because I can hear you telling this story to me in person, and I know we would be laughing together. I was wondering what colour his new eye would be.. but is blue! I didn’t know if he would request another green eye. I love you both and miss you. oxoxo

  4. Judi Race says:

    Kristin, darlin’….you are hilarious….you always make me smile/giggle/laugh out loud….without really trying..just being you.
    Thanks for expressing so well all the wonder of ourselves that pop up in our lives when we are present..that which we might miss or dismiss or not recognize for the lack of presence.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you… what a gift !
    It’s lovely…as are you and your lovely man….
    Love you xoxo

  5. Vicky says:

    Kristin,reading your post brought a huge smile to my face and warmed my heart. I was able to picture both of you concentrating so hard this morning! Your expression of words are a true gift and you shared the experience so well with everyone who reads your blog. What a treasure I have found this evening. I will check in on a regular basis now! Take care of your lovely man and thank you for sharing!

    Vic xxoo

  6. Marie Robbins (friend of Judi Race) says:

    Thank you so much for your insights…

  7. Nenette says:

    How you are able to find the laughter in the most nerve-wracking moments of life — that is your gift, and everyone who knows you is thankful for it. And here’s to the THIRD eye we all have, the one through which we see love most clearly.

  8. Neil Collins says:

    Where there is Love, there is trust, and courage, and healing. Thank You for what you have shared. Much Love to you both.

  9. Jackie J. says:

    Hi Kristin:
    Ihave never had the pleasure of meeting Pat but obviously you compliment each other so well. I miss our little chats from your front desk at your office on my way to the Literacy Council.
    Love and Light

  10. Maria EC says:

    Hi Kristin,
    I just went thru that same process a couple of months agao. It gets better and pretty soon you won’t need the suction cup to remove or insert the eye. He will be able to do it just as a contact lens. Humor is the best way to get through something like this ..Keep laughing it makes the situation more bearable.
    Enjoy life and I’m sure your man sees more now than he ever did with both eyes.

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