The other day, my sister’s friend invited her to a different yoga studio for a class.
“I can’t do it”, said my sister. “I’d love to, but I’m not good enough. I suck.”
Fear shows up in funny ways. Tory pictures an entire class pointing at her and sneering.
This made me laugh for about four seconds. Then I realized that whenever a new challenge comes my way – going back to class after weeks away, trying a new kind of yoga, going to a different studio – my immediate, insane response is, “I can’t, I’m too fat.”
This is obviously absurd. There is no sign posted anywhere in yoga that says Stay Out If You Think You Are Pudgy. Nor have I met a yoga mat that hasn’t welcomed my solid thighs. (Oh my god, the mats are too small for my lardy bum! I’ll have to put four of them together!) Nor, come to think of it, have I ever encountered a yoga teacher who raises one eyebrow and says, “Oh, you think so, do you? If you were enlightened enough to be in my class, you’d be thin. Now stop crying. You can come to my Class For The Fat and Unenlightened.”
Absurd, excessive, twisted, completely un-constructive, I know. But these are the trolls that leap up from under my bridge when I’m facing something new and scary. Or old and scary for that matter.
I like stating my fear out loud. It looks more ridiculous than ever that way. Gives it a loving kick in the head.
I suck. I’m too this, too that. Do you have a fear that yoga brings to light? Would you like to kick it in the head?
Thanks to yoga for showing me where and how I’d like to be more fearless, and thanks to you for the conversation.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (about All Things Wonderful) from North Bay, Ontario. Join her on Facebook at Dr. Kristin Shepherd or on Twitter at kristinwonders.