This is available in paperback today. Makes me nervous—I’ve eaten so many Twizzlers that my head hurts.
If you read it, I’d love your thoughts. Please leave reviews if you care to—it helps. And because it’s Print on Demand, I’ll be looking for quotes for the back cover as I go forward.
My mum died in January, 2025. I still have a diaper in the trunk of my car that a PSW handed me when we took Mum for one of her last car rides. We didn’t need the diaper, and I can’t get myself to throw it out. I stare at it for a minute whenever I put groceries in the trunk.
I started writing this to hear what my mum thought and felt about approaching her death. So often, we avoid the subject as they get closer to going. I wanted to hear the truth from her perspective, and she was brave that way.
What I learned early on in this time together was that I didn’t know how to be close to her. We don’t come from that—we come from a long line of defended hearts. And I wanted something more, something open and real. I think she did too. It scared the shit out of me.
So it’s the story of both of us learning to be close.
Thanks again to all of you who were a part of this with your comments and stories. There’s not a chance I would have written this if you hadn’t shared the good and awful of your own experiences. They were so moving, and so genuinely helpful.
(And thanks again to the Ontario Arts Council and the Government of Ontario for supporting this writing, and the work of so many artists.)
Hope you enjoy.
