Yoga and Energy Management

Posted on June 2, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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Oh, I adore yoga today.

Over a 20-year career in health
care practice, you can’t help but see that health care, indeed life
care, has everything to do with management of energy.

Some people have a strong sense of
their own power. They’re generally unafraid of their bodies, other
people, and life events. They trust. They’re the optimists, the
resilient ones who know that even when things look bad, they’re
headed in a great direction. They act out of confident joy. They are
motivated by fun, happiness, feeling good. (“It makes me feel
fantastic,” they say about traveling, about new careers, about
highland dancing, photography, about going back to school.)

At the other end of the spectrum are
those who are afraid of life, of their own bodies, of viruses and
bacteria (“Of course I’ll get that cold, I get all the colds”),
of the unknown, of scarcity, of the future. They don’t trust–they suffer. They act out of fear. Their choices are based on just-in-case scenarios and preventing bad
things from happening. They’re all about anti-cancer, anti-poverty, anti-aging,
anti-heart disease (“My mother had it, my father had it, my
brother’s going to get it, he eats so badly, god, I might as get on
the transplant list now.”), and on and on.

Some days we’re at one end of this
scale, and some days at the other.

We also manage our energy differently
in different areas of life. Think of finances, parenting, work,
death, career choices, sports. Think of your mother, your ex, your taxes. Think about going back to yoga class.

This is a huge subject, worth far more
than a wee blog, and my intention is not to trivialize.

I raise it to say this:

I love that every morning brings us the
chance to find out where we are in terms of managing our energy, and
the opportunity to make a new choice.

On those days when the monkey mind,
before I have even opened my groggy eyes, is chatting about
stiffness, getting older, and what I can’t do, I remember this
difference between fear and joy, and that’s enough to stop my
nonsense.

Most days it’s enough to snap me
into joy so that by the time my gnarly feet reach the mat, I’m
managing my energy in a way that takes good care of my body and of
the rest of my life.

I’ll bet anything we were born to learn to manage our energy through love and joy, and to leave fear behind.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks to morning yoga for teaching me
about choice, and thanks to you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Nervousness on the Mat

Posted on May 31, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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On the phone this morning, I mentioned
to my sister that I’m often anxious about going to new yoga
studios. Truth be told, I’m nervous going back to my home studio
whenever I’ve been away for a bit.

“So what?” said my sister, “I’m
afraid before every class.”

I called her back just now to ask about
that, and we chatted for 30 minutes about when and why
nervousness is a part of yoga life for both of us.

I don’t hear much from yogaland about
this. You write, mostly, saying you’re more comfortable on your
mats in yoga class than anywhere else.

That isn’t true for me. I’m most
comfortable on my mat at home. I’d stay there forever if my
practice didn’t skew over time into 48 Sun Salutations followed by
bits and pieces of favorite and not-too-challenging asanas. In fact,
I’d be content with that happy skew if my low back, hips, knees, and general spirit weren’t so vocal in wanting more.

Are you nervous about class, ever?

I feel it when I contemplate going. I
feel it as I drive to class. I feel it as I roll out my mat and as
the others roll out mats around me. The second class begins, the
tense gut disappears. I’m in love again.

My sister suspects her fear comes from
competitiveness (she should be levitating in full lotus by now, she
says) and a feeling that she must outperform herself each time, that
it isn’t enough to just show up and do what her body would like.
Some days her body doesn’t want to do much.

My discomfort involves a judgment about
my body, my sturdiness, about looking like a pudgy 13-year-old, something i was hoping to have moved beyond by the age of 49.  It’s a wish to be somewhere other than here and now.  I see the ridiculousness of it, but it doesn’t stop the discomfort.

This week I’m grateful for looking at
this clenched gut. It isn’t new, it’s just been hiding somewhere
while I practiced at home all winter.

Can you identify? No? I’d love to
hear, either way.

Thanks to yoga (I think) for sticking
with me while I run from and return to all these bits of self.
Thanks to you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Perfect Timing

Posted on May 26, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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On Tuesday I mentioned going to my
first Kundalini class at a new-to-me studio in Toronto.

It’d been a while since I’d been to
any class at all. The buzz it left me with was enough to bring me
back the next day for an Ashtanga class. With Havovi.

I have adored every yoga teacher who
has ever crossed my path. Every one of them has been supportive,
kind, warm, and in love with yoga.

Now and then I meet a teacher who
rattles me at a time when a good rattling is what I’m looking for.
Havovi is one of these.

The class was perfect. Hard enough to
sweat a river. Not so hard that I wanted to escape or collapse in a
heap. It found an edge that made me want to laugh. I had to work at
not laughing.

And over and over, looking right at me
(I’ll bet everyone felt she was staring at them), she said,
“Ashtanga has an incorrect reputation for being competitive. This
is your practice, and the practice is about your breath. First and
foremost, breathe. The rest will take care of itself. Whatever you
can do, do. Whatever you cannot do, accept.”

I may be paraphrasing slightly. A mild
delirium had spread by now through my body and brain.

I’m not sure what happened. Perhaps
I placed myself in her care by being in her class. Perhaps I was
just ready. Perhaps she’s crazily intuitive and a shaman as much
as a yoga teacher. Who knows? But her words about breath and about
acceptance found their way to some place that my self-talk hasn’t
reached lately during home practice. Something good opened up inside
my chest. Something that makes me feel better about myself. I don’t
know any more than that, except that whatever it is hasn’t closed
yet.

I think I’m ready to be a student
again.

Thanks to yoga for being there when I
want to chart my own course and for being there when I’m ready for
beautiful teachers. Thanks, thanks to Havovi at Bliss Yoga Studio in Toronto.

Thanks to you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Why Meditate? Got a Grudge?

Posted on May 25, 2011 by kristinshepherd

I had a grudge going this week. Full-out, personal, justified, thorny, supported by anyone to whom i presented my case, consuming, blood-pressure-raising, unattractive yet perversely seductive, impossible to let go, and exhausting.

That’s one truth.

Here’s another. I know that a week from now i’ll feel differently. In fact, if i don’t feel differently a week from now, if i haven’t moved past this, i’ll have no interest in living with myself.

That’s a funny thing about grudges. You’re okay with them in the moment. They feel good in some awful sliver-in-your-finger way, but jesus murphy, you don’t want to identify yourself as a grudge holder, you don’t want to be one of those semi-permanent bitter folk. (I picture rollers in stringy hair, gnarly knuckes, a wrinkled face under fluorescent factory lights, and cigarette smoke curling up from a thin, bitter mouth. Evil Bette Davis eyes. This could be me, i know it could.)

This is why i meditate today. In order to remind myself that who i am is deeper than a grudge, deeper than who’s to blame, deeper than the temptation to judge. Deeper than all the stuff I get right and all of the stuff I get wrong. Deeper than success and failure. Deeper than most of what goes on all day long.

Who i really am hums with a different crowd: with love, peace, good will, compassion, beauty everywhere i look, and peace.

When i don’t meditate, i fight my grudges.

When i do meditate, i remember who i am and wrap my grudges in love until they look like love inside and out.

Is that reason enough to meditate? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks for the conversation,

kristin

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Meeting Kundalini

Posted on May 24, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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In meditation circles, Kundalini yoga has a big-girl-on-the-block reputation. Something about Kundalini yoga, at least in theory, lends itself to meditation, altered states of consciousness, and bliss.

Wikipedia says this: Practitioners
call Kundalini yoga,the yoga of awareness because
they claim it directly affects human consciousness, develops
intuition, increases self knowledge, and unleashes the unlimited
creative potential that exists within every human being.

Who doesn’t
want to unleash unlimited creative potential?

Armed with this
information and nothing more, I dropped into a Kundalini class this
week in Toronto.

I was nervous.
So was my brother-in-law Clay.

We’re both Ashtanga fans, and we
didn’t know what to expect. (I’m nervous with every new class.
In fact, I’m nervous at my own studio whenever I’ve been away for
a bit. If you have any tips on how to get over this, I’m all
ears.)

Adding to my
nervousness was the fact that I hadn’t planned on doing a class, so
I was dressed in my clown-stripe pajamas, heavy clogs, and the
t-shirt I’d slept in. I looked as though I’d just made a
hasty escape from an institution of some kind, an escape so hasty there had been no time to find street clothes let alone yoga wear.

We
hyperventilated our way toward the studio like a pair of shifty-eyed bank
robbers. It’s a miracle they let us in.

Lesley, a vision
of radiant health, dressed in white (is this a Kundalini colour? I don’t know), welcomed us as though bank robbers were the mainstay of
her practice.

We began with
some lovely chanting, and headed straight into the breath of fire. Do you know the
breath of fire? It’s a Kundalini thing. Rapid, forceful
exhalations followed by automatic inhalations. Earlier this year I tried it on my
own, limiting myself to a minute at a time. More than this, my sources say,
and you might make yourself dizzy. I’m able to coordinate
my breath and abdomen for about 20 seconds at a time. After
that, everything goes off the rails into erratic breath and no discernible relationship between breath and body. A steam engine gone berserk.

In Lesley’s
class, we never really stopped the breath of fire. She continued it through
almost every pose, including a series of core-strengthening moves that taught me I have no core to speak of.

Enough. If
you’re a Kundalini fan, I don’t mean to offend with my ignorance.
If you don’t know Kundalini any more than I do, I’ll say this:

I’m completely
intrigued. It wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t particularly
comfortable. But there was a sense that my energy might be mobilized
in a new way with this breath and these asanas. I sensed a connection
between body and bliss that felt promising.

This morning I ordered a
few Kundalini DVDs so that I can give it a whirl in my basement.

Are you a
Kundalini fan? Can you enlighten us? What do you love about it?

Thanks to Lesley
at Bliss Yoga Studio in Toronto. Thanks to Clay for getting me there.
Thanks to yoga for being 1,000 different things, and thanks to you
for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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The Full Meal Deal

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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We’re a cranky household this week.
Neither one of us has done our morning practice for four days. They
have been four long, long days.

My lovely man’s been working and,
well, I don’t know what else. I’ve been doing late nights in the
theatre and feel as though my circadian rhythms, which include waking
at 3:30 or 4am, will never return to normal.

Pat walks by me two or three times a
day with his hand on his low back, moaning, “yoga, yoga, yoga.”

Come to think of it, my low back’s a
bit wonky too, despite the fact that my pre-show warm up every
evening is basically a shortened yoga practice. What gives?

What gives is that I prefer the full
meal deal. I love the dark, the early hour, the full practice, the
savasana, and my meditation. My low back and every other part of me
wants the stretch, the warm strength moves, the standing balances,
the back bends, the spinal twists, not to mention the focus, the
acceptance of what is, the self-love, and the love for the day. The
full morning gift to myself.

Can you identify?

So don’t call, don’t write.
Tonight I’m going to bed early, and I’m getting up at four.

I’ll be a much happier woman the next
time we chat.

Thanks to yoga for being such a
demanding friend. Thanks to you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Yoga and Money

Posted on May 17, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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First of all, thanks very much for the
approximately 26 billion pieces of mail you sent after I posted a
short blog about the cost of yoga classes. It may take me a while to
get back to each of you on that one.

It seems it’s a contentious subject.

The mail indicates we’re far more
conflicted about money than we are about yoga. No one wrote saying, “I
have piles of money but I can’t stand yoga.” It was all about how
much we love class and would like to go more often. How lovely is
that?

Your mail made me wonder something. We
know that yoga spills into every little bit of life: into
relationships, food, career, parenting, political choices, etc.

Has yoga affected your relationship to
money?

I suppose yoga has strengthened my
impression that money is energy, and that the healthy flow of money
into and out of my life has to do with the health (or not) of my own
energy, of my confidence, my resistance, my fear, my flexibility and
strength.

That’s one new yogini’s thought.
What’s yours?

Thanks to yoga for showing up
everywhere. Thanks to you, always, for the wonderful conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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The Money Thing

Posted on May 12, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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Can we talk about the money thing? Last
week, someone wrote saying it was a terrible shame that yoga costs so
much money and that the superstar teachers charge huge sums for
their classes. Yoga should be free, he suggested.

I don’t get it. Maybe I’m missing
one of the eight branches or one of the gazillion sub-branches
(twigs?) of yoga theory. Maybe you know something I don’t.

Here are my two cents:

  1. Yoga can be free. With a computer, TV,
    or even a library card, we can do all the yoga we want at home at no
    cost. How lucky are we?

  2. Yoga teachers, like the rest of
    us, like to eat and sleep on beds and take care of their children.
    Don’t they need to be paid in order to do that?

  3. Beyond the necessities idea, isn’t
    it lovely to imagine yoga teachers earning wonderful, flowing
    streams of money teaching us something wonderful? What a perfect way
    to live your life!

  4. Why would superstar teachers not
    charge super fees? That way, those who love to hang out and learn
    from superstars can, and those who don’t value the same thing can
    go to regularly priced classes or to the computer, where I’ll bet they
    can watch superstars teach for nada.

Perhaps something else is going on. I
wonder whether those of us who feel abundant and confident with money
bring that confidence to this subject, and whether those of us who carry
feelings of scarcity, resentment, and powerlessness toward money
bring our feelings to this discussion. Just a guess. I’d love to
hear your feelings.

Thanks to yoga for shining its
persistent light into all kinds of nooks and crannies, and thanks to
you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Off The Mat Yoga

Posted on May 10, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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Off-the-mat yoga became real to me this
week. I don’t mean lovely things are happening that might indirectly be connected to my yoga and meditation practices. I mean that I am witnessing significant, substantial changes in life that feel directly connected to my morning practice.

We’re in the middle of a theatre production involving late
nights, mornings that are less than perky, half-hearted physical
practice, and groggy meditations.

Nonetheless, I am amazed at how personal
practice has shaped who I am off the mat and in the theatre.

Here are the most noticeable changes:

  1. Calmness in the face of disaster. We have an actor-cat, Otis, who decided this week that he
    is a free agent. Two nights ago he slipped from his harness,
    mid-scene, and escaped an entire backstage crew while his poor scene
    partner ad libbed on stage in his absence (“I have a cat here
    somewhere. I do!”). I sat backstage and breathed deeply, knowing everything would be all right. We considered the whole thing a one-off until
    Otis escaped again last night. A year ago I would have sworn a blue
    streak and stopped breathing altogether. A year ago I would have
    fantasized about stringing Otis up by his wayward paws. This calmness is very strange.

  2. My preparation for stage (think of
    yours for public presentations, interviews, weddings, and funerals)
    used be a kind of mental Olympic event that involved winding up, going over and over lines, recreating elaborate emotional
    states, and trying unsuccessfully to calm my nervousness. The result
    was that I wasn’t really present by the time I walked on stage.

    All I do now is
    relax into my body, warm my voice, breathe fully, and trust. The resulting
    focused calm as I walk on stage is a miracle.

  1. Every night is a first. Forget
    the cat. Forget the people who love our work, the people who
    don’t, and the insecurities that rear their pathetic heads. Forget the people in the front row who chatted loudly all
    the way through last night’s performance (“Oh, look at her
    dress! I had a dress like that once. Maybe that is my dress!”).
    Let the hostages go. There is no point in letting yesterday hijack
    today’s energy.

    I knew this one in my head before. Now
    my body knows it.

Breathe when things get challenging,
relax and trust, and now is all there is. Off-the-mat yoga. It’s
working. Yoga is having its way with me. It’s like something blooming in unexpected places. And holy moly, it feels good.

What have you seen off the mat?

Thanks to yoga for changing everything.
Thanks to you for the conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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Mantras on the Mat

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Kristin Shepherd

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“This too shall pass.” Sounds
biblical. Wikipedia says no, that it first showed up in the writings
of the Persian Sufi poets. This makes me whirling-dervish happy,
being a huge fan of Hafiz and Rumi.

Other sources say it’s credited to anyone from
Abraham Lincoln to King Solomon. I’m surprised Nelson Mandela
isn’t on the list.

In Canada this week, we voted in a
majority government that, well, the majority didn’t ask for. (Our
voting system is a long story.) The winner in my area won’t be
certain until a recount takes place this week. There was a 14-vote
difference between first and second place.

And, oh, the commentary is loud,
contentious, and personal!

For minutes, I swing with the intense
feeling of it. Outrage! Panic! Discouragement. Hopelessness.
Meanwhile, others are feeling joy, elation, power, new strength.

Then I begin my practice. By the time I reach my third Sun Salutation, all I hear in my head is, “This too shall pass.”

I learn this every day on my mat. My
body’s struggles will pass. My body’s thrills will pass. Same
goes for the struggles and thrills of my relationships, my work, my
community, and my country.

“This too shall pass” is my mantra
on the mat this week.

Do you have one?

Thanks to yoga for perspective and for
being there even when the rest of life feels a bit crazy.

Thanks to you, always, for the
conversation,

kristin

Dr.
Kristin Shepherd is a chiropractor, actor, and speaker (About All
Things Wonderful) in North Bay, Ontario.  Join her on the web,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on iTunes.

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